One thing that's almost as good as Friday nights? How about coming home to an empty house? Yeah, I like that too.
I was going to write something totally political. I was thinking about it in the car on the way home from work. But it appears to have slipped my mind.
I really really really want him back. As I sit here, night after night, I'm devising plans and schemes and plots. But so far, I've discarded them all. I need help. I want to hold him so much. I need to hear him whisper my name. I long to hear his laugh.
And yesterday, I came to a realization. I've been spending way too much time and energy feeling sorry for myself. It's like it's become a way of life. A way of existing. And ya know what? I think I've somehow fallen into this self-trap that the feeling sorry for myself attitude will somehow endear myself to him. And I know that won't happen. It serves no real purpose. You see, that's not the real me. As a whole person, I don't feel sorry for myself. It's not within my realm.
So, maybe we'll never be together again. But if we are to be together, it won't be and it can't be because of some self-pity thing on my part. I don't want his pity. Because I don't need his pity. I don't want a relationship with him or anyone based on pity.
Calm and calming.
Introspective is fine. As long as you learn something from it. It doesn't have to be apermanent state of being one hundred percent of the time just for the sake of being introspective. Right?
Normal. What is Normal? About 60 miles north of Springfield.
So, who am I? I am me. And you know what else? I like me. Maybe he will too, again. Someday.
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© Marie Carnes 2002.
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