disarranging as it was



Perhaps I should just keep a diary of Head stories.

Like the Head is telling me that two nights ago it's about 11:30 p.m., and he's hungry. So, he goes to the kitchen, gets two hotdogs, slices them lengthwise, and puts them in the broiler face up, cuz he likes to put two hot dogs on one sandwich. The broiler door is creaky. Loudly creaky. Then he opens a can of Coney Island sauce and puts some in the microwave. He keeps checking on the progress of the hotdogs. Each time he opens and closes the broiler door, it loudly creaks. Finally, the hotdogs are done. As he's retrieving the Coney Island sauce, he hears his wife coming down the stairs. Drats! Caught! Again. As he realizes that he's not going to be able to eat his little snack, he quick bites off a hunk of hot dog and throws the balance down the garbage disposal. He tells me his wife is really really pissed.

He joined a fitness club. Good thing.

I guess they have a couple computers at the Head household. He tells me that one of them blew up. He's been trying to install the Spiderman action game on the other computer. Unfortunately it didn't have the proper gamecard. So, he calls Gateway and orders the proper gamecard for the game. And, I can't even imagine this, but he actually attempted to install the proper gamecard in the computer. But of course, he had no success. So, he calls Gateway and gets tech support or somebody on the phone. They take him through the process, only to learn that he has a low profile box and the gamecard won't fit in it. Oh well. So, he comes back to the office. He asks me, "how many computers do I have here at the office?" Three, I manage to say without rolling my eyes. He says, "oh good, that's what I thought." Then he wants to know if he can take one of them home. Yeah sure. But, "what all would be involved in that," he wants to know. I tell him, just throw one in the car and take it home. Then he wants to know if all the computers are connected. Yes, I say, but that shouldn't affect anything. So, he tells me to call the very expensive computer consulting firm that installed the computers and ask them. Which I do, but the guy is out of the office, so I leave a voice mail message. The Head, growing impatient, calls them back and gets to talk to someone else in the very expensive computer consulting office. That guy confirms what I already have told the Head. He then tells me he wants to take the computer that's in Dan's office and he wants me to go in there and take all the files off. I tell him, there are no files on that computer; that all the files are on my computer. At this point the Head is totally amazed. But still he's concerned that there might be some law office files on that computer. Finally, I convince him that neither of the two users of that computer would have even known how to save files on that computer the way I had it set up. So, later we go in there to get the computer and take it out to his car. He declares that he doesn't want to unplug anything, just the power cord to the wall. Oh man! I tell him that's just not possible. So, I get down on the floor and pull the box out. Trying not to sound like I'm talking to a six year old, I point out each of the color coded cables and what they are for. First, he tries to talk me out of unplugging the network cable. Oh gosh. Then, he wants to know what the thing is with the headphones and microphone is. I tell him, it's a headset. I tell him he can use this computer as a dictation device or as a phone, among other things. He didn't want to hear any of that, like it was just too much to digest at one time. The whole thing was totally riotous. Later I worried that when he drove up his driveway, which is just under a 90 degree angle, that the whole thing would fall off the seat. I hope not. The Head. Ya gotta love him. Not.

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L.M. Carnes 2002.

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