the here and the now

26 May 2002

No longer can I use the power button on this computer. I think this is due to a bad design on Gateway's part. The power button is on this little ledge like thing. The bottom half of the front of the computer is convex. The button is on the top of that. It's not sheltered from dust and stuff. And I think dust got in there or something. Or maybe smoke, in which event I can only blame myself. Right?

This photo was taken by me this past winter.

backpack guy

He was way across the street from where I was and he never even knew he was on candid camera, so to speak. I wonder if he'll ever see this web page. Highly highly doubtful.

One thing, I need to learn how to use this camera better. Although, I do like using Irfanview for photo editing on here. It's a nice little program. And it makes instant thumbnail html pages, too. Very cool. And its free too.

Another thing, I'd really like to start taking pictures of strangers on the street -- with their permission, of course.

I devised a possible cover story that I could use to lure them into giving me permission to photograph them. I thought I'd tell the prospective photographic subjects that I had been commissioned to produce a digital photography project as a work of art for the executive dining room at the Chicago Board of Trade. The photographs would be presented in a digital slide show format on a large screen flat panel television set converted for use as a computer screen. And, no, I'm not sure when the project will be completed. But each photo would be on screen for about 20 seconds and the whole thing would be looped so it was constantly playing. I thought the idea of using the executive dining room at the CBOT was a good one because it's highly unlikely that anyone I would photograph on the streets of Springfield would ever see it or would know anyone who would ever see it.

And then I thought, oh gosh, that is totally dishonest.

And then I thought, hey, why not contact the manager of the executive dining room at the Chicago Board of Trade and see what interest there might actually be in such a project.

And then I thought, why would they be interested in me doing such a project. It's not like I'm a professional photographer or something.

But anyway, with that in mind, I could alter my cover story a little, and still get to take their pictures in good conscience. Good idea? I like it!

He's been here. Not to this journal, but to this web site domain name. I admit that I lured him to it. But I don't know why. And now I think I look like a total fool. So, this weekend I updated my Yahoo profile again with a link to a 404 page I created. But then I updated it again and restored the link back to the main page. And I don't know why. Honestly, I think he'd be really disappointed in me. He probably thinks I'm some kind of deranged stalker -- which I AM NOT! I just really really miss him so much. But I think I'm starting to realize that it's just not possible. At least not right now. The time. The timing. I don't really know.

But then I did something else. I linked the other page for which he has the url to the 404 page. I don't know if I can keep it like that. It's really obscure. And it looks ... like I'm conniving. I don't know.

But if he does see all this, I know I can completely trust him not to expose me.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I thought I did, but now I don't.

So many false starts.

I tried to say what I was thinking, but the words didn't come.

And then I tried to say what I was feeling, and it came out wrong.

And this is all for naught.

I tried.



Is no longer on my side.

Badge (Eric Clapton and George Harrison) Unichappell Music (BMI) & Harrisongs Ltd. (PRS)

Thinkin' 'bout the times you drove in my car | Thinkin' that I might have drove you too far | And I'm thinkin' 'bout the love that you laid on my table...

I love you Rob..........

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L.M. Carnes 2002.

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